The Rules Of Hogwarts
by DaisyCloud
Summary: Rules the staff had to add because of the Marauders, the Golden Trio, the Weasley twins, and Ginny Weasley


The Rules of Hogwarts

1\. I will not tell the first years that in order to be sorted, you must confess your deepest secrets aloud.

2\. I will not convince Harry Potter, Ginny, Fred and George Weasley to become the next Marauders, doing so will result in a month of detention.

3\. In accordance with rule number two, it is forbidden to pair Harry and Ginny against Fred and George in a prank war. The less said about the Prank War of 94' the better.

4\. I will not let Chocolate Frogs loose on the Hogwarts Express.

5\. No one is allowed to tell Remus Lupin that Honeydukes is out on chocolate.

6\. You are not allowed to take out life insurance on Harry Potter, it took three days for the first - and last - person to stop sing bad poetry, plus an extra three to stop talking nonsense.

7\. I will not throw a small, golden ball and yell "Fetch!" at Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter when they are arguing.

8\. I will not kick Ms. Norris down the stairs.

9\. In accordance with rule number eight, if you kick Ms. Norris, don't get caught doing it.

10\. I will not give Professor Mcgonagall catnip in anyway, shape or form.

11\. I will not encourage first years that it is better to practice Wingardium Leviosa on cows, pigs, or any other animal.

12\. I will not tell Sirius Black that he is a Drama Queen, we haven't decided on King, it seems he was more upset on being called a girl.

13\. Living dragons are officially banned from school grounds, four dragons in a century is three to many.

14\. I will not tell Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger to "get a room" during one of their arguments.

15\. I shall not convince the house elves that it is a good idea to switch the enchantment on the staircase to the dormitories, then add one for the girls.

16\. I shall not take Professor Dumbledore's lemon drops without express permission.

17\. If the current Dark Lord's minions - sorry, followers - are attacking Hogsmeade, you are not allowed to point to the sky and yell, "to the BATMOBILE! "

18\. Remus and Sirius do not want a flea collar, thank you very much.

19\. I will not refer to the Accio charm by "the Force".

20\. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood name," is not a challenge.

21\. It is not acceptable to ask Purebloods, "if your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?"

22\. I will not tell Voldemort to "get a life" no matter how much he needs to.

23\. If the thought of a spell makes me giggly for more than five minutes, I probably shouldn't do it.

24\. I am not allowed to start a Howler chain.

25\. I am not allowed to sing my own spy theme.

26\. I will not use the floo system to play the ultimate game of tag.

27\. I will not imitate Steve Irwin during a Care of Magical Creatures class, no matter how good of Australian accent I can do.

28\. I will not refer to the Grim as "nice doggy"

29\. "The Nargles took my homework" is not an acceptable excuse, unless you're Luna Lovegood.

30\. I will not call the Patil, Weasley, or any other twins, Clone A and Clone B. We do not care if you point out that Identical twins are natural clones, it is forbidden.

31\. When the current Dark Lords followers are attacking Hogsmeade, I am not allowed to shout, "Transformers, Roll Out!"

32\. I will not refer to showering as "Giving Myrtle an Eye full".

33\. I will not put Hagrid and Charlie Weasley in the same room and start a conversation on why dragons should be executed.

34\. I will not tell Snape that he "Takes himself too seriously".

35\. I will not sell pennies claiming that they're "priceless Muggle artifacts."

36\. I will not use time travel to stop certain books or movies are not created to, "save humanity."

37\. Professor Snape is not the voice of God and Merlin.

38\. God and Merlin are not the same people, and I will not convince the first years that they are.

39\. The Irish population of Hogwarts are not after my Lucky Charms.

40\. I will not kiss Trevor the Toad.

41\. I will not put up a sign counting how many days its been since Harry Potter almost died.

42\. I will not put up a sign counting how many days its been, since someone almost died.

43\. In accordance to rule number forty-one, I will not put up a sign counting how many days its been since Harry Potter had been in the Hospital Wing.

44\. I will not provoke the temper of Harry Potter. No one had to do this on purpose, we just fear for the safety of Hogwarts.

45\. I am not allowed to tell first years that one of them will die by the end of the year.

46\. It is forbidden to great Professor Mcgonagall with, "What's up, pussycat?"

47\. I am not to tell Draco Malfoy that he takes himself too seriously.

48\. I will not place bets on the fate of the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.

49\. I will not ask Professor Snape why he stole Batman's Cape.

50\. I will not start a Hogwarts Thriller dance amongst the first years.


End file.
